After a long hiatus

Every so often I think about abandoning this blog, because I hardly ever come here, but my reaction is always "Noooooooo!" So rather than let it languish by default, I'll just have to visit more often.

Every so often I get the 'I'm *that* Kami' feeling. It's kinda nice, if disconcerting. Rory tells a lot of stories about me, most of them good. I think. So he tells me.

Okay, so I know they're good stories. But how can I create any tension in this story without hinting at a dark underbelly?

Oh yeah, this isn't a story.

In any case, as I was saying, every so often I meet someone who realizes I'm *that* Kami. I think for the first time in a long time, if ever, I introduced a friend of mine as *that* (privacy protected friend) and I'm really not sure what she thought of that. Hopefully the same complex mixture of sensations I get, like the layers of yum in a really good mixed drink.

People have a strange coexistence with their reputations and the way their friends see them. Those shadows remain for awhile after we're gone, and sometimes they become more concentrated. My father has been refined and concentrated to brilliant engineer, devoted husband and stern but very loving parent. All the other parts of him have evaporated with history. It's a terrible loss, one that happens daily. And yet those parts that remain become stronger, more focused, and they can last for generations if they're strong enough. I don't worry about immortality in most senses of the word. However, if I were to be remembered well beyond the span of my immediate descendants, I'd hope it would be for art, or writing, or something I'd done that I'd be proud of.

And this of course ties back to being *that* Kami, or in your case, *that* you. We won't be around to modify *that* self after we're gone. So while we're here, it's good to find out what *that* self is like, and if it's who we want to be. Not important, just good. Not everything good is important.