Drinking and writing

Most people who know me know I like to have a drink in the evening--either wine with dinner, or an after dinner drink.  If I'm spending the evening watching a movie or hanging out with friends rather than sitting at the computer (hopefully writing) I sometimes have a second drink.  I don't when I'm writing unless something is wrong with my head or I'm being dumb.  

I have lots of reasons.  One reason (it's not just laziness keeping me from hopping up the stairs for seconds) is that for me writing while impaired is a lot like driving when impaired.  I'm a big girl (around 165-170 pounds) but not big enough for two drinks while maintaining a clear head.  And I never want to drink so much that I develop a tolerance.  It's not only hell on the liver, but it's expensive, and alcohol is very, very high in calories.  I don't even want to think about how much physical training I'd have to do to maintain my (not very) svelt figure (such as it is) if I drank a lot.

I believe some folks feel (I've heard this in an indistinct way, not specifically in reference to anyone I know) that it relaxes them and gets them into a frame of mind conducive to creativity.  Well, in my experience a relaxed, dreamy state of mind or buzzed, fuzzy connection with reality generates cliche'-ridden dialogue, dense, purple prose and a lack of sensual clarity in scenes.  When I'm painting it's even worse.  Ironically, I tend to drink more when I'm painting than when I'm writing.  Might explain a few things ... and it shows I'm not as serious about my painting as I am my writing, if the comparative time expended on these things wasn't already an indication.

I'm unwilling to get rip-roaring drunk (Kami thinks about a double workout and shudders) to compare sober writing with drunk writing here on my blog, and I haven't preserved any written-while-blotto scenes--they weren't worth saving the very few times I've written under the influence of more than a solo drink.  I don't want anyone to do it as an experiment, but, if you happen to have written something while smashed, and kept it, I hope you'll offer your findings in the comments.  Maybe we could even have a first draft drunk vs. first draft while sober contest or something.

Anyway, even if I discovered that I did in fact write better while drunk, I don't think I could pursue drunk writing.  My body may be a transitory, temporary thing, and it is possible for the written word to be quite lasting by comparison, but I love life too much.  I want to enjoy the experiences outside of writing as much as I enjoy writing itself, and it would be difficult to do that in a body that's falling apart.  I listen to the struggles of dear friends with serious health problems and can't bear to think of deliberately debilitating myself when I could (and do) have the very thing that they strive for and dream about.  Health.  Hell, I know a few who would do anything for a pain-free hour.  I have those all the time.  Life can be really unfair.  

For another person, I guess having a working liver versus brilliant prose might seem an equitable trade, assuming they're a fair judge of their own work.

Besides, it would be really hard for me to collect those real-life experiences that comprise much of the fodder for my fiction if I'm impaired, whether it's with liver disease or constant drunkenness or excess weight (my knees are in really bad shape--I'd be immobilized if I was heavy.)  Rock climbing.  Paragliding.  Scuba diving.  Hiking.  Skiing.  Playing with the dogs.  Gardening.  Martial arts.  I'm thinking about taking fencing this autumn, and I'm gleeful that I have that chance.  

When I think about an ideal self, I think of a writer with both physical and emotional strength and clear eyes, a sharp mind and reflexes even quicker than her wit who's explored the world, listened to interesting people--a woman who loves her friends and family who love her in return, and who can respond effectively in an emergency.  That's within my reach.  I don't want to piss it away.  The chance to become my ideal won't always be mine to have for the effort.  That's life in a physical body.  Mine is sacred.  Body and brain are entwined, so, no drinking and writing for me.  

Even though wine is really, really tasty and it's so nice to sip.  And Navan ... mmm ...

Time for tea.  It's also nice to sip, and I don't have to watch how much I drink.  Yay!

An Enjoyable Evening Drinking Poison

I'm enjoying my first glass of wine in several weeks and it's very, very nice.  My fave, Fetzer Gewurztraminer.  I've backed off all alcohol considerably and it's nice to come back to, at least for tonight.  

I've always complained that there's no good denatured wine out there.  Vintners refuse to ruin perfectly good wine by denaturing it so just about everything I've tasted tastes like diluted prune juice, and the exceptions are flat, and remind me of vinegar without the sharpness that makes good salad vinegars interesting to sip.  

My love of wine, unfortunately, will have to be celebrated with the real stuff.  Same with cognac and rum (how I loooooooove a great rum--I will make recommendations on request.)  I've had pretty good luck with virgin mixed drinks, though.  The mixture helps disguise the flatness, usually via sweetness, saltiness, sourness, sparkle, or a combination thereof.

I've voluntarily retreated from my indulgence for several reasons which will, over the course of time, lighten up and allow me a little more leeway for indulgence.  Firstly, I have no adult backup after dinner to comment should I start drinking a bit too much.  Second, although I don't feel depressed or anxious I know I'm going through a stressful time and that will make my self-monitoring of alcohol intake suspect.  Third, I'm hoping to lose a little weight this summer and alcohol has tons and tons of calories.  I know a couple who stopped drinking and lost most of their excess weight in just a few months with no other change in diet or activity level.  Wow.  Fourthly, I'm going through some mild medical side effects of a TMI procedure that will only be aggravated if I indulge due to dehydration (not to mention that I won't be able to take ibuprofen if I start cramping bad.)  And last, alcohol (with the exception of my beloved Fetzer Gewurtz) is pretty darned expensive and I'm trying to be relatively frugal until I'm no longer living off of savings.  Even if it wasn't expensive it's a luxury item.  Of my luxury yummies--booze, chocolate, ice cream, cream, red meat (especially ribeye steak,) cookies, cream cheese, pre-sweetened breakfast cereals, juice, bacon and/or ham, and white/sweet breads in all their myriad and tasty forms--I don't need to have all these things on stock at all times.  Certain times of the month, chocolate is valuable for the survival of my offspring.  Occasional juice is healthy for the raw vitamin supplementation.  The rest I can (and do) take or leave.  And alcohol is the one that's left out in the cold first and the most often when things are tight or I start feeling unhealthy.  It's a poison, after all.  It's a happy poison with some health benefits, but there are health risks too and none of us need it.

For tonight, however, I'm happy to enjoy my fave wine and do a little late night writing.  No school tomorrow, so I can have a bit of a late start with no bad repercussions.  I can't stay up too late or go overboard with the wine, though, because I have a long day of writerly activities and I don't want to be groggy, dull-witted (at least not more than usual) or short-tempered.  I also plan on having my fave (yes, I have many faves) pear cider tomorrow and I don't want my liver to be screaming for mercy.  It comes in pints!