Wednesday, August 23, 2006


I can't really bring myself to grieve too much on the page, in public. But I needed to put something here to commemorate this day.

I miss you already, Andy.
I've got a candle lit for you.
I hope ... so much,
But that hope has no answer.
It just sits, not disappointed, not fulfilled
In limbo, not quite hell
I'm so tired
I don't want to sleep
I, I, I ... this shouldn't be about me.
But there's no you within reach
I can't decorate you with my care
(Banners that say I love you)
The care falls to my feet
Shredded, rumpled
From trying to hang it where you can see
I have to pick it all up
And carry it around
Hoping you can still read it
And that it comforts you

Sunday, August 20, 2006

Meeting in Hell

I went to my second worst meeting ever. It missed first place because the worst had all the problems of this meeting *plus* I had some data I needed at the worst meeting and they skipped me over, so at the end I had to pipe up and say hey, my department needs this info please!

They scheduled three hours of meeting. I thought no way will this meeting go three hours. Ha. I was such a fool.

People went on and on. People had no clue what they needed or wanted to say, so they talked about what they had done and what they planned on doing, in great detail. I wondered, between bouts of contemplating social suicide and holding in giggles while the person next to me wondered aloud 'why doesn't he shut the fuck up?' if the chair, who ought to be in control of the meeting, thought that filling three hours of agenda free meeting was a good thing. If this was a pleasant way for her to spend an entire afternoon. If she liked the meeting chairs, found them comfy and homey, if she didn't have a stomach to grumble and growl for a meal.

I don't contemplate my navel much. More interesting to contemplate people. Wondering how it could be that someone could appear to listen very intently, and then say "What?" Not once. Several times. Soon a chorus of people volunteered themselves to repeat things for her. I wondered why I didn't wisely arrive late, like the chair, or not show up at all, like the asst. chair. I did learn valuable things, but I wondered if I might not have learned these same things in email. As it was, half the info I wanted to gather was not available because the people with that info didn't make the meeting. Most of all I wondered why the person running the meeting thought that calling on people for reports was the sum of her management responsibility. I thought that the lack of attendence might be an indication that people found the meetings a waste of precious time.

I also thought fondly of my friend who pressed a can of ginger ale into my hand as I left to go to the meeting. The coolness and sugar helped me survive the first half of the meeting. Had I managed to ration that ginger ale so that it lasted the entire meeting, perhaps I would have ... nah. I would have still wondered if slipping quietly into a coma might not have been a blessing.