Thinking Ahead More Than Two Seconds

Okay, people. You've made me cranky again. Not you, my devoted readers, but those other people who drive me crazy sometimes, despite my best efforts to be kind, understanding, compassionate, etc.

I was at the Warehouse Store Which Shall Not Be Invoked (okay, maybe I will. It's Costco) putting my stuff into the trunk of my car, minding my own business. The folks in the neighboring car seemed unable to mind theirs, however. I put stuff from the cart into reusable bags, since they didn't give me a box. Didn't even offer, but that's okay. The last thing I need is one more box to burn. He noticed that I loaded slippers, and said, "Slippers. It's ninety degree weather."

Oh.
My.
GAWD!!!!!

Can some people not think ahead for more than two seconds? Seriously. It's September. Guess what? In two months it's going to get cold, if it even takes that long. Three months and we're starting to get uncomfortably chilly. Four months and it's going to be sixty-mile-an-hour gusts, snow and ice, wind chill down below zero F and guess what? You will not find a single slipper at Costco then.

I see this at my store all the time. The intelligent people see fans in March and go oh, hmm. Is my fan still working? And they go home and dig it out and test it and lo and behold! It doesn't work. And they deal with it the following week by picking up a new fan. Meanwhile, the grasshopper people go, hey, look at the idiots buying fans in March. It's cold out there! And the first hot day in July they run to the store, looking for a fan, and complain about the lack of selection. Or worse, they show up on the first 100+F degree day, looking for a fan, and there are none to be found. What about swimming pools? Sold out. Swimming pool toys? Got some divers and squirt guns, nothing else. Goggles? Gone. Flip flops? Do you wear size 4?

They are so used to getting exactly what they want exactly when they want, they have no idea what to do with places like Costco and my store where there isn't room to store the entire universe, and even if there was, the warehouses and distributors don't have the room to have it either. Yes, they keep pushing the seasons earlier and earlier. It's supply and demand. Manufacturers produce only so much stuff. Buyers buy them as soon as manufacturers offer them for sale, before they're sold out. They don't want to hold them in their warehouses because that costs money, so they ship it out and buy the next thing available. This will never change.

This will never change.

Those who wait, be it the customer, the store, or the distributor, will not get what they need. They might get the dregs if they're lucky.

Our ancestors grew up with this concept thoroughly ingrained. InGRAINed. If they didn't store grain over the winter, they starved. They couldn't go pick it up at the store. If they needed a coat for winter, they made it during the summer because they couldn't buy it in winter. They had to make it.

Even the super-huge massive stores like Walmart often don't carry everything year-round. Sometimes, due to the manufacturing and distribution schedules, it simply isn't available. And even if it is available, who is to say that you could battle your way through the ice and snow to get to it? I wonder how many awful wrecks would be avoided if people didn't rush to the stores after the snow has already started to fall to buy necessities that they could have stocked up on in, you know, October.

Or September.

So, ignoramuses of the universe, take heed. If you have slippers, fine, don't buy them in September (which to me doesn't seem unreasonably early anyway.) But don't come crying to me if you can't get nice ones for a decent price in January. At the very least, don't make fun of me for buying mine early, when I see really nice ones for a very, very nice price.

Thanks for reading.

D*#% Ink!

I ran out of ink--the same ink I always run out of--and so I had to change the cartridge.  I'm already annoyed because I can't use my new laser printer because the toner cartridge ran out and the new toner cartridge is giving me error messages.  I'm additionally annoyed because I like buying ink in bulk so that I save, but the only bulk ink I can find at my favorite savings store sells one of each kind of ink jet ink cartridge instead of sensibly offering two (or three, please!) of the ink I'm always running out of.

And then!

And then I start trying to pry the ink out of the nuclear-bomb-proof packaging without damaging the cartridge, and I have to fight the impulse to tear at it with my teeth like a wild animal out of frustration.  The way the edges and the extruded parts where the ink sits interplay make scissors almost useless, knives dangerous to use, and argh!! My teeth aren't working!!

The scissors finally do it for me, after prying and some ineffectual cutting and forcing blade against seams, and I extract my cartridge.

My nerves, however, are frayed to bits.

And the worst part?

On the front, images of smiling, happy people are mocking me.

But maybe that's not the worst part after all.  You see, I only managed to open one area, which gave me access to two cartridges (one of which I don't need, of course.)  When I next run out of ink, most likely I'll have to open the other area to get to the cartridge I need.

Expletives don't cover it.  I just have to put it away and not look at it anymore, or I'll do something rash like write an angry letter.  

Argh.

I bet they're punishing me for trying to save money.

Argh times infinite.  Poopyheaded packaging designers ...

Your Police Force and You

I had an interesting discussion with a coworker of mine yesterday that got me thinking.

I believe that high school children should be taught:

About arrest and powers of arrest--not just mentioned, but they should be tested on it.

About rights and responsibilities while communicating with police officers--everything from a meeting them on the street to arrest.  Not just Miranda rights stuff, but practical advice and steps they can take to avoid injury and legal issues.

About police work, especially things like duty-to-act, use of force, and securing an area that may not be intuitively obvious, and will affect what will happen to you when police are on the scene.

And especially about personal safety when in a situation where there are police officers called to the scene.

I don't care about creating obedient little citizens who do everything a police officer says.  I don't think anyone wants that.  But I do care about people understanding enough about what police work is about to handle themselves--not just from the rights/responsibility standpoint, but safety.  I don't expect the classes to teach how to be safe in every situation where a uniform appears, but a few added percentage points on the grand scale of survivability would be nice.  After all, we're not perfectly safe from predatory humans, or car accidents--but self-defense awareness and defensive driving will give you an edge.

This is in response to an article about a man who was shot by police.  Regardless of whether this is deemed a 'good shoot' or not or whether he believed the officer was a bad guy disguised as a policeman or not ... the man is dead.

 I want my kids, and all kids, to have all the information they need to make an informed choice.  Maybe they will make the same choices, and be at risk from the people sworn to protect them, even die because of bad policing or because a bad guy impersonated a police officer.  But I want them to have choices--real choices, options, knowledge, and an understanding of the consequences of the choices they make.  I don't want them to die at the hands of a good police officer simply because they didn't understand how policing works, or chose to believe in a fantasy where all cops are bad ...

Which reminds me of an aside.  There are people who seem to believe that they have unlimited rights on their own property, including using a gun to warn off a police officer who is trespassing on their property.  (I'm not saying that this is what happened, though many commentators seem convinced that the pastor had every right to carry and even draw a gun on a police officer because he was on his property.)  Of course we don't have unlimited rights on our own property.  Child abuse, spousal abuse, kidnapping, rape, torture ...   We don't have the right to do anything we want in our own homes, and police have to be able to deal with investigating disturbances somehow while infringing on as few rights as possible.  That interplay is not as simple as some people would want you to believe.  They may not understand, or not want to understand why situations like this aren't easy to judge, even if we knew exactly what happened.  I don't believe anyone, including the officer involved, knows (and no one may ever know) what went wrong.  

Anyway, it's not too hard to understand why education is so crucial.  When someone collapses in cardiac arrest, are you more likely to be able to perform CPR when you've already learned how to do it, or, not knowing CPR, will you be able to do it while the 911 dispatcher tries to explain it to you on speakerphone?  It's not rocket science, but ...

When you're scared or angry, you usually can't choose, or learn, or even think very well.  You react.  The best thing to do is to have your choices already made--to know in advance what to do.  Hopefully, when the adrenaline is flowing, and all you can hear is the rushing in your ears, you'll remember your class lessons.

When you're pulled over for a traffic stop, do you:

A. Get your driver's license and registration out.

B. Get out of the car and approach the officer.

C. Get out your gun or other weapons so that they're in plain sight.  Be sure to wave them around so the officer sees them, and refuse to cooperate until you see an official badge and picture ID.

D. All of the above ...

The Grim doesn't care if you're gay

Mortality is everywhere, part of everything.  In some ways it seems fair in the sense that I know that nothing, even the universe itself, can opt out of irreversible change and ultimately a loss of existence.  Death is ugly, but it doesn't discriminate.

Everyone deals with this in their own way.  There's science, religion, willful or intellectual or emotional ignorance, spirituality, medicine (both as a science and a religion,) philosophy, artistic achievement, fame, pouring hope into progeny ... all kinds of ways to look at the ticking clock or avoid looking at it or ways to defer it to the future.   When all the seconds are gone in a human life, though, the next of kin are presented with questions and problems that society has too-often shielded from them.  Singing la la la will not make these things go away.

One set of questions and problems connects with same sex marriage or the lack thereof.  I think the celebration of the signing of the Declaration of Independence is as good a day as any to look at this inequality in a land where supposedly all men are created equal.  We're still working on that, apparently.  It was written in part in defiance of the Divine Right of Kings.  Now I think we need to examine laws that are establishing the Divine Right of Christian Heterosexual Fundamentalists.

When it comes to organ donation, there's no time to take things to court.  This beautiful livejournal entry snagged from this post on David Levine's livejournal says it far more eloquently than I can, and the comments are just as enlightening.  It seems that the last moments of life and the first moments after death make the tragedy of inequality even more clear.  These kinds of decisions belong with the spouse.  The law agrees, but the law doesn't agree about who is and isn't a spouse, and therein lies the major problem.  There's no 'escape clause' or 'domestic partner equivalent' to get around this problem, either, so don't go blathering on about how it's all taken care of.  It's not.

BTW, this is yet another good reason to get out, and get out fast, of a marriage where you don't have a trusting, understanding relationship.  People get married and stay married for so many strange reasons.  I wonder if they question why marriage is important to them.  Do they think that signing a paper will magically turn their infatuation or drama into a loving partnership and their family into a working, healthy one?  Anyway.   Chances are that your life, and your death, will be in the hands of your spouse if you have one.  Is that what you want?  

Philosophically, spiritually, morally, is it right to deny that right and responsibility from gay and lesbian couples?  To me, it seems that it's even more important that these decisions stay with their chosen partners, not their parents, and not their kids.  

For example, although I get along great with my mother, she never has understood nor will she ever understand my pagan beliefs, my love of history, the emotional connection I have with romantic notions of knighthood, codes of honor, or how important writing is to me, and so on. She would not think to put a sailing ship or a sword or dagger in my coffin with me or coins over my eyes.  If asked to, she'd be at a loss as to why, and it would cause her a lot of pain and anguish at a very hard time in her life.  My sister would do it, but she wouldn't believe.  It would be a senseless, strange thing to her.

My DH doesn't have identical believes and loves, but he knows mine very well.  My children are closer to the mark, but I'm too much of a puzzle to my kids for them to work out what my wishes may or may not be.  They're too busy trying to figure themselves out.  I think they could manage, but they're not on the same footing with me as my DH.

My spouse and I are on equal terms.  We're the same generation, together by choice, and we have a resonance that even our most beloved blood kin doesn't share.  If I was in a same-sex relationship, the gap between my beliefs and lifestyle choices and those of my remaining parent would be even wider.  She wouldn't condemn me, and she would likely accept my partner, but I know it would be hard for her.  She wouldn't understand.  I would need understanding, as total as possible, just before my death, and my spirit, such as it is, would rest easier afterward in the hands of someone who not only knew me well, but celebrated me for who I was, as I was, and found that beautiful.

The law recognizes this.  Though many marriages are abusive, unequal, badly patched affairs, even these often are (scarily) improvements on the blood kin relationships that surround them.  One way or another, spouses are chosen, and unchosen, in the fullness of a lifetime.  Free people are allowed to make those choices, even if they're bad choices, and free to live with the consequences.

Domestic partnerships aren't the same legal animal.  They aren't up to the task in many legal areas.  Organ donation is one of those areas.  At least my entire family is in agreement in the matter of organ donation.  Many, many families are not.

I don't think marriage should be a legal institution at all.  But it is, therefore, everyone should have access to it legally and at the exact same level.  Everyone.  I hope that this administration makes the changes necessary to finally bring this ridiculous inequality to an end.  It could save many lives, and soften the pain of many, many deaths.  

Death doesn't discriminate, but alas, human beings still do, even in America, land of the free and home of the *brave.  

*If we're so brave, why are so many Americans afraid of same sex marriage anyway?  It's not like the USA needs more 'breeding pairs' like some people claim marriages are supposed to be all about.  Yikes.  Marriage is a partnership, not a people farm!  If it was, then I guess infertile marriages should be broken up too.

Oops, I think I said that with my outside voice.

To Jay with Love

Back to Ireland soon, but first, I would like all the folks out there who know Jay Lake to send healing thoughts his way.  Jay received bad news regarding his cancer.  He faces what many people in America face silently, privately, for many reasons including not wanting their friends to treat them like the walking dead (or to avoid them for fear of being uncomfortable or saying the wrong thing.)  

The very sick are often isolated.  Jay has chosen to be public about his illness, hoping to teach us one aspect of what we as a society once knew when we had our loved ones with us through all stages of life.  I see it with births too, not just serious illness and death where people spend endless hours in hospital beds behind white curtains.  

I'm not any smarter in this regard than anyone else.  I want to learn how to relate to people better.

Jay often posts that if love could heal, he'd be the healthiest SOB in the world.  I hope knowing he's supported and loved will help.  I believe it can, maybe in surprising ways, but certainly in the obvious ones.  Fighting cancer takes willpower, courage, and every last shred of energy a person has (and some they don't.)  Family, friends and community are essential to keep going.  Think of a sporting event you've participated in.  Ever had a teammate urge you on?  Come on, just a little farther, you can do this.  I know you.  You're strong enough.  You're smart enough.  

There's a time when all we have, and all our friends have and family has, isn't enough.  There's no reason to believe that Jay faces one of those times.  It's time to cheer him on, to rally, to lend him strength where and when we can, not because he's dying, but because he's fighting for his life.

If you have an ailing friend or relative, or if someone you know is a new parent, consider calling or writing a letter, right now.  A few minutes of your time may help them through the next stretch.  

Incidentally, I know this would never occur to most of you but I've heard of it happening--people who offer help, but don't follow through.  If you know you have a habit of procrastinating or forgetting, then think twice before making a promise, even if you honestly mean to deliver.   This is a situation where 'it's the thought that counts' gets into iffy territory.  You don't know when your promise might be someone's last lifeline and they might be waiting for you by the door or next to the phone, waiting for you to do what you promised you would, be it making a phone call, a casserole, or arranging for music therapy.  

Stuff to think about.  If you want to learn, check out Jay's posts.  Click on the cancer tag if you dare, and follow along.  If you're inspired, offer a helpful comment.  It may make a difference.

non sequitur of the day:  back up your computer!

Give it away

I know times are tough, especially for folks who are living paycheck to paycheck.  Gas prices, food prices, air-we-breathe prices are rising and the salary isn't keeping up, if you're so lucky as to have a salary.

But it's harder to get by for the folks who provide valuable services for us too.  It's harder for charities, harder for artists, harder for contractors and yes, it's harder for people running websites like Ralan.com.  So quit yer whining about how tough things are--it's tough all around--and donate even if it's a tiny bit to the people who do stuff that's important to you when there's something like a fund drive, or if it's a free monthly online magazine like Flash Fiction Online.  It's free to you, but not to them.  

If you're not a reader or a writer but you love animals and care about their welfare, think about donating to a shelter.  Pet food and supplies prices (as those of us with animals know) are going up too, which makes it that much harder for local humane societies and no-kill shelters.  

Or pick whatever websites or 'free' services you use or causes you care about.  Don't feel guilty, please.  Don't feel pressured.  Just look around and see if you have a dollar.  Skip the latte or the bag of potato chips or decide to drink water instead of pop for a couple of days.  When money is tight, it's the financially wise thing to do.  

At this point you're thinking huh?  But seriously.  When your budget sucks and you're tearing your hair out, chances you're looking at how much money is flowing out of your hands.  When  you start looking at who else is struggling, a mental shift begins to occur.  You start thinking about how much you have, how lucky you are compared to, say, folks living in Galveston.  And when you start to look for money to help, good grief, there it is!  You're overdrawn, you have credit card debt but there's a friggin' dollar in your car, or there's stuff in your garage that you haven't looked at in years that you could sell at a garage sale--advertise 25% of proceeds will go to charity X.  You may think hey, I'll give up pre-processed, pre-packaged food three days a week, ease up on my grocery bills that way, and in celebration of this decision I'll donate two bucks to the rotary club so that they can send books to Cambodia.

This is why just about every financial advice book I've read strongly suggests giving to charities even when times are tough, be it someone with lots of fame and hype like Suze Orman, or my very own accountant (I love you LaVerne!)  That mindset shift is critical in order to reduce unnecessary expenses without feeling impoverished.  If you feel like you're denying yourself and spiraling under, just like a diet you'll eventually rebound and binge.  If you feel like you have money to give away (or you don't have to starve yourself) you're more likely to meet your financial goals.

If it's a non-profit charitable organization you can take it off your taxes (bonus!) or, as in my case, if it's part of the cost of doing business you can probably take it off as a business expense (check with tax law before making this assumption.)  Even if it doesn't, it'll do you good.  So think on it, choose wisely (please don't buy a pink ribbon for breast cancer awareness--donate directly to the charity) and scrape up some change.  Today!