Saturday, December 27, 2008

The Things My Kids Talk About at Dinner


I let my kids watch Robot Chicken.  I know this automatically means I'm a bad parent, but it's not like I could hide this shameful fact.

For example, at a holiday dinner table, Robot Chicken has to come up.  It's required to do something like this before you can progress in the Embarrass Your Parents course.  No other people need be present at the table.  It's sufficiently embarrassing that other people will just instinctively know that it happened, and will give you the look when you next go shopping or for coffee or whatever.

"You let your kids watch Robot Chicken, don't you," the kid at the expresso machine says.  "I don't think I should sell you this hot caramel apple cider with extra whipping cream.  It wouldn't be ethical to support you in any way."

Anyway, there's a skit on Terrorism in the first season.  Kids say innocuous things, and then a booming voice accuses them of "Terrorism!" and then terrorists use the innocuous thing to charge in and shoot everyone.  "Now is the time to strike!" they cackle.

So the kids came up with "Divine Wrath!"

A gaming nerd from Muncie, Indiana stops in the middle of a convenience store in horror.  "Oops, I forgot to make a sacrifice to Poseidon."  A tidal wave comes in and floods the city.  "Divine Wrath!"
A kid in a blue suit carrying a Bible is smoking with his friends behind the school.  "I skipped Church this Sunday."  A lightning bolt shoots out of a clear sky and strikes him dead.  "Divine Wrath!"
An emo girl complains to her friend at school.  "Thor sucks!"  A giant hammer smashes her into dust.  "Divine Wrath!" the voice thunders.
A tourist draws a mustache and glasses on a statue of Kali.  The statue becomes the animated embodiment of Kali.  The avatar hoists him into the air on the end of a spear.  "Divine Wrath!"
A novelist confronts her critique group.  "You know, I don't think J.R.R. Tolkien was that good."  Boromir smashes through the door, cries, "For Gondor!" and slices her in half.  "Divine Wrath!"

This blog post has been sponsored by Mothers Against Atheism (MAA.)

4 comments:

The Colorman said...

Hey, you use a Mac, don't you? Don't you know that MAC stands for Mothers Against Color?

HEATHEN!!!!!!

Rory said...

Okay. That was weird.
Good thing you're sexy.

Molly said...

Yes - and your husband let my kid watch robot chicken. Which led to her brother taping it for her, and her showing the neighbor boy. Luckily we were able to stop the epidemic before my reputation as bad parent went beyond the borders of the immediate neighborhood. My child is beginning to understand that her home life often is easier to enjoy if she is not trying to explain it to those outside.

Kami said...

I blame hazelnuts. If it weren't for them, none of this would have happened.