Tuesday, June 24, 2008

Big Day

It's a big day.  

I'm doing laundry because I'm out of pants, though I probably won't wear any today.  

Shorts, people, I'm going to wear shorts.  Sheesh, where are your minds?  Then again I can't exactly blame you, seeing as I don't wear much while gardening, given a choice.

There's so many weeds still in the garden beds I haven't been in a position to mulch.  Until today.  Mwa ha ha!  Gotta drown those weed seeds.

But always following me around; the fact that it's a big day looms.  I don't want it to be a big day.  It's like graduation, or a landmark birthday or the day before major surgery and there's all this pressure to make the day into something.  A day can only be a day.  Every day is important.  Today the sky is an amazing blue.  I slept well and don't remember my dreams.  The bed smells like the two of us, the bonded pair that mated for life.  We don't cheat on each other, we respect each other, work together, play together, and dance with each other's differences.  Another loving night, another morning like so many mornings, but the fact that we've had so many mornings is shadowed by this one more morning and the word only.  

He'll be gone awhile, but he won't be gone.  We'll talk and write and see each other on view screens.  We'll share new experiences, talk about adventures, give each other a sense of the mundane day to day in sound bites.  Those days will be like every other day--special, unique, irrevocable as time always is.  We'll still be a couple, but we won't be living together in our home, our paradise of endless work, not for many days.  Those days can only be what they must, composed of hours and minutes and breaths and blinks.  Contained within our skins, we've always been separate.  But our friends know we're never really apart either.  We're always kissing, smiling, playing, smelling, punching and fingerlocking, tasting, teasing, listening, touching touching touching through all our senses, not just skin.  So many senses will be cut off by this big distance that will form after this big day that has only attached to it.

It's a really beautiful day, beautiful and big, bloated by only one more whole.


Molly said...

Blessed be to all of you! I have been following the blogs (I know, I rarely comment so it seems a little voyeuristic) and it's good to know that you have had a wonderful few days of family time and simple things.
You sound so grounded and strong - I'm bouncing around between killing and kissing him, and I'm too far away for either. Give him my love, and I'll see him in the dream-time.

crap - email - I'm assuming it will change? when you get it will you send it to me?

Kami said...

No email changes. His work email doesn't exist anymore but the home email remains the same. Let me know via my email (kamila shift2 easystreet period net) if you don't have his current email addy.

We just got back home from the airport and I'm pooped. Time for a nap and then I can start the day all over again.